ANOTHER LIST


More from the future remake file, here's a bunch of projects that are said to be in very early development. Here's hoping they in fact develop a case of the 'what-are-we-thinking?' and end up in the too-hard basket, and taken out with the trash.





7 The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Then: First released in 1947, it was directed by Norman Z. McLeod and starred Danny Kaye as the title character, a comic book writer who likes to imagine himself as a hero getting to have all kinds of adventures, primarily to escape his overbearing mother. The film was based on a short story published in 1939.

Now: Jim Carrey was to star in a remake directed by Steven Spielberg back in 2003. Read here. But, after those two went cold on the project, Mike Myers' name has been heavily linked, though no director has been mentioned as yet. Apparently a new script has been "tailored" to suit Myers' style. Read here. So, I would hope there would at least be no singing.

I rekon: Leave it alone - at least with Myers in the role. The guy should stick with just churning out more Austin Powers and Shrek movies. They are the only things that seem to work for him, post Wayne's World.

Relive some of the original movie:






6 Footloose

Then: IMDb.com spruikes the original 1984 version as a "classic tale of teen rebellion and repression". It was serious wasn't it? I just remember that terrible Kenny Loggins theme song. The movie starred a young Kevin Bacon, who showed he could act and dance, and even both at the same time, as a city kid who moves to a small town that has banned popular music.

Now: Apparently Paramount Pictures has signed 'teen heart-throb' Zac Efron to star in a remale, which will be directed by Kenny Ortego. The pair has found amazing success collaborating on the High School Musical franchise. Read here. The word is the film will be reinvisioned as a musical. What odds John Travolta tries to weasel his way into proceedings somehow?

I reckon: Get Kevin Bacon in there as the lead again and I might watch it. He still looks young enough. But Efron ... Ortega ... well, you gotta cut loose ...

Relive some of the original movie:






5 Jesus Christ Superstar

Then: First released on the big screen in 1973, the film was itself an adapatation of the 'rock opera' from Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice about the last days of Jesus. It was directed by Norm Jewison and starred Ted Neely in the title role, which was too much for his dear mother to bare, walking out on the movie during the '39 lashes' scene.

Now: While promoting his film Wanterd earlier this year, producer Marc Platt said he was working with Universal Studios to resurrect Superstar. Read here. They are obviously hoping to tread the path laid by other recent musical offerings including Hairspray, Chicago and Sweeney Todd.

I reckon: Leave it alone. There's just something odd about mixing singing and dancing with crucifying. I'm content with The Passion of the Christ - without all the damn singing and dancing. The whole concept just screams early '70s, so leave it there, buried, in a cave.

Relive some of the original movie:






4 Oh, God!

Then: First released in 1977, directed by the great Carl Reiner and starring the even greater George Burns as none other than God, a God who pesters the hell out of a grocery store clerk (played by John Denver) to get his message out to the people. It spawned two sequels, Oh, God: Book II (1980) and Oh, God! You Devil (1984).

Now: Comedian Ellen DGeneres was apparently set to play God in a 2004 remake, which would have been interesting (and I'm sure controversial).Read here. But now it looks as though only if hell freezes over. Christopher Walken would be another great option if it must go ahead, but ...

I reckon: Leave it alone. George Burns is Oh, God. Oh, God is George Burns. And besides, these types of films (Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty) have flopped badly recently, especially the latter which was an absolute disaster.

Relive some of the original movie:








3 The Incredible Shrinking Man

Then: Based on a novel by Richard Matheson, the movie was first released in 1957 directed by Jack Arnold and starring Grant Williams as a guy who, after a day at the beach, begins to shrink and I'm not just talking about down below. He eventually reaches six inches, and again I'm not just talking down below. He's forced to live in a doll's house and battle spiders.

Now: Hollywood wants to take a more comedic approach to the story (as opposed to the original) with it being reported earlier this year Bret Ratner was to direct Eddie Murphy.Read here. Though apparently the pair is now in fact teaming up for Beverly Hills Cop 4 first. Oh, God!

I reckon: If they want a comedic approach, why Murphy? If he's not a donkey these days I don't want to know about it. Just go and rent Honey, I Shrunk the Kids instead. That includes you Eddie.

Relive some of the original movie:






2 Meatballs

Then: First released in 1979, it was Bill Murray's first major role, playing the 'wacky' Tripper Harrison, the fun-loving head counsellor at a lakeside summer camp, featuring plenty of tits and ass. It has gone on to become a cult classic, and spawned three sequels, including one with Corey Feldman, during his Michael Jackson-loving days. Watch it, see what I mean.

Now: There's been talk about a remake for a number of years - I have no idea why - although last year producer John Whitesall (who's track record is Big Momma's House 2, Malibu's Most Wanted and Deck the Halls) said he might instead make another sequel. Read here. Well, I'm sure Corey Feldman is free. Where's Jason Vorhees when you need him.

I reckon: If Murray's not interested, that's good enough for me. Though the way Matthew McConaughey is going these days he might be perfect for any new film. It might not be the beach, but there's still water in the lake, and plenty of girls ... he'd love it.

Relive some of the original movie:






1 Westworld

Then: Classic 1973 sci-fi thriller from recently-deceased writer and director Michael Crichton about a rogue robot on the loose at a fantasy theme park. Though Yul Brynner (played the said robot) never really looked like your typical gunslinger, he was pretty menacing here relentlessly pursuing one of the guests (played by Richard Benjamin). A sequel was titled Futureworld.

Now: Arnold Schwarzenegger was to appear in a remake, but has since made California his own 'Westworld'. Read here. Quentin Tarantino was apparently asked to direct also at one point, but turned it down.

I reckon: Leave it alone ... but I'm sure it will eventually get made. I've seen the name Daniel Craig mentioned as a possible Gunslinger, which wouldn't be a bad choice, and a nice breakaway from James Bond. Josh Brolin would be perfect in the Benjamin role. It would be like No Country For Old Men all over again. His dad was in the original too.

Relive some of the original movie:






Honorable mention: Labyrinth

Then: From the mind of Jim Henson, the fantasy film was first released in 1986, and, as a kid I loved it. Still got a soft spot for it. It starred Jennifer Connolly as a young girl trapped in a maze but trying to save her baby brother from the clutches of a goblin king (played by David Bowie). Like Alice in Wonderland but darker... though not as dark as Pan's Labyrinth.

Now: Actually, there's no word on a remake yet, but you can be sure it won't be long. Instead, we'll get an American version of Labyrinth, the 2003 French psychological thriller. It's about a mental patient with split personalities who holds the key to finding a serial killer. Maybe they could incorporate Henson's Labyrinth into the film. The patient could be Connolly's Sarah and the personalities Hoggle, Sir Didimous and Ludo.

I reckon: Only remake if Johnny Depp and Tim Burton drop tools on the set of the latest Alice in Wonderland adaptation and focus on Labyrinth. Depp would be great as Jareth. Otherwise, leave it alone, or any remake will end up smelling worse than the 'Bog of Eternal Stench'.

Relive some of the original movie: