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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Time changes everything.

You know what it’s like when you catch up with old friends – you get together, have a few drinks and talk about the good old days. You laugh and reminisce and recount legendary tales of the exploits of youth. It’s a great time. However, these reunions are never able to recapture the same magic as the first time around. The halcyon days are long gone, and nostalgic reminiscences are but a pale imitation.


That, to me, is exactly what is wrong with Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It’s like catching up with friends and going over the good old days, without ever re-creating their magic. And to be fair to Spielberg and co, that was always an impossible proposition. Raiders of the Lost Ark is a high watermark in adventure cinema that has spawned many imitators, but very few equals.

Don’t get me wrong; Indy IV is a decent, serviceable action/adventure yarn. Steven Spielberg can still stage a coherent action sequence better than most working directors out there. The problem is you expect more than just serviceable from an iconic character like Indiana Jones.

Indy 4



The filmmakers seem to be resting on the laurels of Indiana Jones’ iconography here – that unique silhouette, the power of that great score, and the knowing winks to previous adventures. It’s great to see that stuff, but at the same time, they are also adding nothing to the Jones iconography. In fact, in this film, he has stopped being Indiana Jones, and is referred to more often as Henry… or Jonesy… or Old man. But you can count on one hand the number of times someone calls him Indy. To me, that is a shame.

Of course, all these gripes stem from the weight of expectation that comes attached to a film with Indiana Jones in the title. And to be fair, there’s also plenty to like in the film. For one, Harrison Ford has a spark in his eye that’s been missing since the last time he donned a fedora and cracked a whip. I’ve missed that Harrison Ford, and he does well to bring back the charming rogue character we all love so much.

There’s also a motorcycle chase early in the film that has Spielberg firing on all cylinders (a sequence that comes closest to recapturing the Indy of old). The film moves along at a fairly decent clip, broken up by moments of awkward exposition that reek of George Lucas’ finger in the pie. However, it’s still a visually lush film, with a few great money shots, some decent one-liners, and some great action set pieces.

But I still expected more. The third act basically relegates Indy to just one of an ensemble cast, moving from location to location and looking awe-struck at things – a mere passenger being carried along by the requirements of the plot.

It would appear that there is also an agenda here to pass the adventuring torch to a new generation, embodied by Shia Labouef’s character of Mutt Williams. Shia does a reasonable job as the capable sidekick, although I hope they don’t try and spin out a new franchise based on his character. Karen Allen is back as Marion Ravenwood - Indy’s one true love. She’s still feisty, but it seems more lip service to the fire that used to burn in her belly, rather than any real spice.

Cate Blanchett hams it up as the villain with the hokey Russian accent, although with the severe haircut, she looks just as alien as the eponymous crystal skulls. Speaking of Aussies with dodgy accents, keep an eye out for a cameo from Alan Dale with an accent that manages to be distractingly inconsistent in a bare three minutes of screen time. John Hurt is wasted as Professor Oxley, a character who seems mostly unnecessary for all the time he is given. Ray Winstone rounds out the cast as “Mac”, the obligatory betrayer of Indy’s trust.

Indy 4


Finally, I suppose I must mention the visual effects in the film. The last time Indiana Jones went adventuring, CGI effects had yet to impose themselves – it was all practical sets and effects. Indy IV does suffer somewhat from an over-reliance on computer whiz-bangery. Remember at the start of Raiders, how Indy was in the Amazon and visited that temple? It felt like Indy was actually in a real jungle and temple. Well, in this film, Indy returns to the Amazon, but now it all reeks a bit too much of artifice. The colours are too rich, the sets feel like sets, and everything seems a little too… enhanced.

Also, I would like to place a moratorium on CGI animals in films – be they dodgy prairie dogs, or distracting monkeys. They only lent a silliness to the affair that wasn’t present in any previous incarnation of the Indiana Jones franchise.

I know I’ve been very hard on the film, but I do feel I should re-iterate that Indy IV is a very entertaining film. It is pure popcorn fun, and even though it doesn’t capture the lightning in a bottle that earlier incarnations managed, it is still an old friend. And, even though time has changed everything and the halcyon days are long gone, I still love to catch up with my old friends.

7/10
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There’s nothing like a good corpse in a movie. Well… good plot, characters, direction, music, script and cinematography are probably better, but a good corpse can really get things going too.

So, here’s a brief list of the best corpse moments in films. I’m not talking about actual deaths here… rather when we come across some unlucky sod who has already shuffled off the mortal coil, leaving only a breathing-impaired bag of meat to shock and delight our indelicate sensibilities.

So, without further ado…

Gwyneth Paltrow


5 – Seven. No, I’m not referrig to the fat dude in the tighty-whiteys with his face in his porridge. I’m actually referring to Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in a box. In addition to being one of the great movie endings in modern cinema, it’s also Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in a box. Even though you don’t actually see the head, it’s still Mrs Coldplay’s finest performance to date. In a perfect world, all movies would end with Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in a box. Especially Shakespeare in Love.

4 - Weekend at Bernies. Okay, so Bernie’s not actually the most gruesome corpse to grace a movie screen, but he has more charisma than your average worm-food. Besides, when I finally kick the proverbial bucket, I’d love it if someone was motivated enough to animate my lifeless corpse, Weekend at Bernies-style.

Weekend at Bernies


3 – Jaws. The scene I’m referring to is the one where the severed head pops out of the sunken boat. Man, as a young ‘un, that disembodied noggin scared the bejeebus out of me. It’s an image that has always stuck with me, hence it’s inclusion here.

2 – Raiders of the Lost Ark. You know the one I mean. In the opening scene where Indy discovers a mouldering corpse who ran afoul of some big sharp spikes. Later Alfred Molina, after betraying Indy for the little golden idol, would impale himself on the very same spikes. Take that for betrayng Indy, you cad!

The Ring


1 – The Ring. The girl in the closet has gotta be one of the creepiest corpses ever to be discovered by screaming teenagers. Man, that’s one ugly cadaver. I think it’s the unnaturally wide-open mouth that does it… I know how she feels though - I felt the same way after coming across a “cursed” videotape in my parents bedside drawer.

I’m sure I’ve made some glaring ommissions, so please feel free to highlight my ignorance in the messages below.
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Review: The Orphanage

May 2nd 2008 01:00
There’s a formula for modern ghost stories. You know how it goes: family moves into haunted abode with a dark history; creepy kid starts seeing things (which parents assume are imaginary friends, natch); things go bump in the night; hot but sensitive mum starts seeing and hearing things; obtuse dad remains sceptical until it’s too late; shocking historical reveal; end credits. Rinse and repeat.

The Orphanage
Timmy's first day at school went well, although he wondered why the other kids called him GayDress McSackface


The Orphanage (or El Orfanato if you’re of the Spanish persuasion) doesn’t deviate too far from this tried and true formula. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing. The film, directed by Juan Antonia Bayona and produced by Mexican maestro Guillermo del Toro is an effective ghost story that hits all the right notes and perfectly manipulates the squirms and squeals from the audience.

The Orphanage tells the story of Laura, who returns with her husband Carlos and son Simón to take over the old orphanage where she grew up. They plan to make it a home for disabled children and hopefully offer an opportunity for Simón to make some friends of the human variety instead of the imaginary ones he usually plays with.

Of course, the old place is haunted and Simón hooks up with a new group of imaginary friends; ones who like to play games. When Simón goes missing, Laura is convinced that it is the work of the living impaired residents, but of course Carlos, being the archetypical obtuse dad that he is, thinks she may be a few eggs short of a Spanish omelette. Supernatural hijinx ensue.

The Orphanage
It's a beautiful house... large block, easterly aspect, newly renovated kitchen and the tormented souls of murdered children.


The “scary” scenes are perfectly paced and although there are a few jump scares of the sudden loud noise variety, Bayona doesn’t use this device as a crutch like many other directors would. By the way, what is it about child ghosts with creepy masks? The Orphanage boasts one little ghoul who wears a creepy-as-hell sack on his head… don’t kids wear Spiderman masks anymore?

The thing that does elevate The Orphanage above other formulaic ghost stories is its convincing emotional content. Laura is a very well drawn character, who manages to do all the dramatic heavy lifting for the rather archetypal characters that surround her. She grounds the film and engages the audience so that we care for her and, by default, the people that she loves.

The script is very tight, with no set-up left unpaid. I got the impression that this was where the guidance of Guillermo del Toro was most evident. His film, Pan’s Labyrinth, is a brilliant exercise in set-ups and payoffs; every clue laid early in the film comes back to a satisfying conclusion. The only downside to this is that it lends a certain predictability to the proceedings, even if you don’t guess the final reveal (which I didn’t).

The Orphanage
"Honey... why isn't our marriage counsellor wearing pants?"


Thematically, the film draws heavily on a Peter Pan motif, which is subtle at first, but by the end of the film, it has been beaten over your head a little too much. I would’ve liked to see a little more restraint with this from the filmmakers, although I guess they just wanted to be sure that the audience got it. As it stands, even anyone who has never heard of Peter Pan will get it.

Overall, The Orphanage is a very effective ghost story. It has some really great set-piece scenes that will have you clutching your chair and holding your breath, as well as the dramatic chops to engage you on a more emotional level too. This is definitely one of the more accomplished horror films I’ve seen in quite a while.

7.5/10

The Orphanage
Susi didn't know what was worse: her husband keeping footage of creepy kids with sacks on their heads, or that he'd taped over the last episode of Sex in the City.
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It’s frustrating when you see an absolutely awesome foreign language film that no one will see by simple virtue of the fact it has subtitles. There seems to be a perception amongst mainstream audiences that foreign films are all arty, boring, navel-gazing pieces of self-indulgence that they won’t be able to relate to.

This is true in some instances, but there are also a whole slew of foreign films that can go toe to toe with any Hollywood blockbuster or genre film and come out on top. These are the films that even ADD Tim would love, if only he dragged himself away from the X-Box for long enough


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Battered Blockbuster Syndrome

April 29th 2008 03:26
Wall-E

That time of year is coming around again: Summer blockbuster season. I’m a tragic for it. I look at all the whiz-bang movies on the release slate and I cream my crackers, waiting with baited breath for the next Thursday to arrive and the next sugary film confection to punch my synapses into submission.

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I take back every bad thing I ever said about Ben Affleck. I forgive him for his transgressions in Gigli, Jersey Girl and Pearl Harbour. I can now overlook the smug grin and one-note performance he gives in every movie he “acts” in. You see; Ben Affleck has redeemed himself in my eyes.

This redemption can be summed up in three little words: <i>Gone Baby Gone</i>. Much to everyone’s surprise, it turns out that Ben Affleck is a much better director than he is an actor. Heck, Ben Affleck is a much better director than a most of the directors he’s ever worked for


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PS: I Love You

January 7th 2008 05:46
This is a dramatic movie, reminding one of the Japanese movie Love Letter. When Love meets Death, that is the eternity and paradise for Love. Love is pure and everlasting in Death and only in Death. Tears mashed with laughters, I guess the secret recipe of the success of this movie is the excellence of the original novel. The subtleness, gentleness and humour all intergrate into a feast of memory.
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The Golden Compass

January 7th 2008 05:38
With hope and anxiety, I went into the cinema and saw the premier of The Golden Compass. However, I left the cinema with a sense of disappointment. May it be the simple repitition of plots, or the boring ending of indication to the next season. I appreciate the acting talent of the girl, and insist that is the only spotlight of this movie!
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Elizabeth: the Golden Age

December 10th 2007 04:55
After the tough final exam, grab a chance to slip into the greater union and enjoy a movie about the British Virgin Queen: mother of all British people.
The rhythm of the whole movie is appropriate: tense when darkness approaching and subtle when female softness reflecting. My favourite scene is when Elizabeth standing herself with light robe at the cliff gap, facing enormous ocean and topping glimpse of setting sunshine: she is an angel with invisible wings! The strength and courage she injects into herself and us are terrific!!

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Long time no see

October 12th 2007 07:04
All dear friends,
Long time no see! During this month, I watched severl different movies: Rwanda Hotel, Seven Years in Tibet, The Departed, etc. There are different types but I like all of them!
Rwanda Hotel: remind me of Schindler's List I watched many years ago. I always love this kind of movies, full of humanity and sensitivity, probable because I always believe there is a hope. Human beings can be cruel, and we may be the most ruthless animals on the earth. Even within a community, two parties can fight and kill each other without hesitation. However, human beings can be selfless, and we may be the most contributing species in the world. Thus, in the case of emergency, there is always a hope and a man standing there to save us as a hero.

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